Ménage à trois

This is a whimsical tale that weaves through time, myth, and Malmö, where superheroes sip coffee behind neon signs and latex stretches over nine months of speculation.

Some things may have happened. Others are merely gossip. But one thing is sure: the child is real, the city is real, and the story—well, the story insisted on being told.

Discover a unique perspective on superhero relationships and why this story is a must-read.

”Spider-Woman’s Plan
(A Cautionary Tale of Cross-Franchise Fertility)

She swung through Malmö, proud and bold,
With belly round and boots of gold.
A latex queen with nerves of steel—
Who’d guessed she’d spin this baby deal?

She told the boys: “No need to fight—
It’s not from passion, just from science, right?”
“A test tube mix, Stark-certified,
No need for paternity pride!”

But what if truth had lost its grip—
If labs had launched this trip?
A cosmic blend, gene-soup surprise,
With heat-ray eyes and thunder thighs!

Behold! The child that might have been—
With cape, with claws, with mutant grin.
A beastly roar, but neatly dressed,
In Spandex tights and a baby vest.

It flies, it bites, it melts a tram,
It drinks its milk with laser jam.
A toddler born to rule and crush,
With manners taught by Aunt May’s hush.

So maybe it was just as well
She didn’t ring the science bell.
For now, she laughs, with baby kicks,
And thanks to the stars, she kept her tricks.”
Malmö June 2025

Ménage à trois
That the English language similarly employs the French term reflects the weight carried by the phrase ‘Ménage à trois’—or Love Triangle. It should not be mistaken for a “threesome,” which denotes a consensual sexual encounter involving three individuals, typically two men and one woman. In a ‘Ménage à trois’, one party is left out, coming to the painful realisation that they are not alone in their relationship. A notable example is Princess Diana, who shared her feelings with journalist Martin Bashir in 1995. When questioned about her marriage to Prince Charles, she famously replied:

“Well, there were three of us in this marriage, so it was a bit crowded.”

Her words, now etched in history, were a poignant reference to Charles’ relationship with Camilla Parker Bowles (now Queen of England). This line, short, cutting, and layered, has become one of her most quoted and iconic statements, serving as a textbook illustration of a ‘Ménage à trois’.

A similarly intriguing situation emerged in the comic book realm. The evidence appeared when Spiderwoman’s belly started to swell at an alarming rate, and her rooftop acrobatics became increasingly clumsy.

“Are you knocked up?” asked her not-so-secret lover, Superman.

He maintained a moral relationship with Lois Lane—platonic for comic-code reasons—a sexless romance held together by glances, longing, and plenty of cape drama. Let's pause for a brief digression into one of the cartoon world’s most unofficial relationships:

When Action Comics #1 hit the stands in 1938, Superman wasn’t just lifting cars—he was lifting hearts, including those of Lois Lane. From the outset, Lois was the sharp, ambitious reporter—too clever for her good and not nearly as impressed by the meek Clark Kent as she was by the flying man in tights. Their romance began as a classic triangle: Lois loved Superman, Clark loved Lois, and Clark was Superman. It was a complex and fascinating dynamic.

Throughout the 1940s and ’50s, Lois played the role of the determined love interest and amateur sleuth, always attempting to uncover Clark’s secret identity. It was part flirtation, part newsroom farce. In the Silver Age of comics, their relationship became even more theatrical—engagements, weddings, even babies… but only in dream sequences or alternate realities.

Everything shifted after ‘Crisis on Infinite Earths’ in 1985. This event, a pivotal crossover storyline that redefined the DC Comics universe, transformed Lois and Clark into equals, both in love and their careers as journalists. He revealed the truth to her, and she accepted. In 1996, they finally tied the knot in the comics—and on television too, thanks to ‘Lois & Clark: The New Adventures of Superman’.

Despite the twists and turns of the timeline, the enduring love story of Superman and Lois Lane, set against a backdrop of alien invasions and cosmic crises, offers readers a glimmer of hope.

So, how long have they been together? Depending on your timeline, around 86 years, on and off. For about 30 years, openly. But most of that time? Not even a hint of sex, despite Superman’s rather impressive assets under the tights. At least not in canon. Confusing? Certainly. But then again, Clark Kent has always been a tad absent-minded.

In the current main DC Universe continuity—“Dawn of DC” (launched in 2023)—Clark Kent (Superman) is married to Lois Lane, and they have a teenage son, Jonathan Kent, who is the new Superboy. This status, however, is not set in stone, as DC's penchant for reboots means that 'nothing lasts forever'. He’s married, monogamous, and a father figure.

Given DC's love for reboots, it's safe to say that Superman's relationship status is always subject to change. This unpredictability keeps the audience on their toes, ready for the next twist in the superhero's love life.

And to complicate matters further, in inevitable spinoffs or multiverse versions (such as some animated series, Elseworlds stories, or standalone miniseries), Superman may still be single or in the early stages of his romance with Lois.

In the films (the DC Extended Universe), particularly those starring Henry Cavill, he’s in a relationship with Lois, but not married. And again: no sex implied.

No wonder Supes has been linked with Spider-Woman. And now she’s pregnant. Scandalous—especially since paternity is in dispute, and Spider-Woman has displayed unmistakably promiscuous tendencies.

Behind the scenes—in fan culture, alternate universes, and certain limited-time crossover events—Spider-Woman (Jessica Drew) has occasionally been romantically or flirtatiously linked with other superheroes. Can you blame them? That kind of sexual charisma doesn’t go unnoticed.

However, in Marvel’s official main canon, she’s never had a romantic relationship with Superman (who belongs to ‘DC Comics’) or even with Spider-Man (Peter Parker)—though there have been suggestive crossovers and playful nods.

No smoke without fire, as they say.

As for Spider-Woman and Spider-Man, despite their similar names and powers, Jessica Drew and Peter Parker have no romantic relationship in Marvel’s main continuity. They’re more like colleagues—sometimes suspicious of each other, occasionally respectful. Still, romantically inclined fans have fantasised about a “spider couple” and a swarm of little spider-babies, especially since Jessica has proven to be attractive, independent, and a bit rebellious—a kind of counterbalance to Peter Parker’s more neurotic everyday life. Her complexity adds an intriguing layer to the narrative.

Marvel has toyed with their dynamic in alternate universes and shorter crossover series, but they have never officially become a couple. Jessica has also made it clear that she is not a side character in Spider-Man's story and that her origin is entirely independent. Basta.

What about those persistent rumours concerning Spider-Woman and Superman? Since Superman belongs to DC, official interactions are rare. However, in fan fiction and certain What If– or Amalgam-series (in which DC and Marvel have briefly collaborated), people have fantasised about a relationship between these two iconic figures, both of whom combine superhuman powers with earthbound morals. The potential for these alternate universe relationships is exciting and keeps the audience curious about the possibilities.

Because what would happen if Marvel’s most headstrong woman met DC’s most idealistic man? In many fanfic stories, it’s either a tempestuous affair or a philosophical culture clash. Because in real life, when boy meets girl, things tend to happen.

And things have heated up around Jessica Drew, with romantic entanglements surrounding Spider-Woman. In Marvel’s official comics, Jessica has had a few relationships, most notably with Hawkeye (Clint Barton) and Porcupine (Roger Gocking, surprisingly enough). These relationships are often portrayed realistically in the comics, with complications, laughter, and sometimes loss, but no explicit sex—just closed bedroom doors. These relationships are more about emotional support and camaraderie than physical intimacy.

Jessica Drew's portrayal as an independent and sometimes stubborn hero in the superhero world is genuinely one-of-a-kind. Her ability to choose her path, especially in matters of love, sets her apart. While many fans are eager to pair her off with other heroes—Superman, Spider-Man, Captain Marvel—it’s precisely her integrity that makes her compelling.

But how did she end up pregnant? That belly isn’t from doughnuts, fast food, or cold pizza.

In Spider-Woman: New Duds (2015–2016), we follow Jessica Drew through her pregnancy. Marvel chose to make this a central part of the narrative, not merely a side plot, but a deliberate move to show a superheroine undergoing a life-altering transformation while still being an active hero. This choice was a testament to Jessica's strength and independence.

The child’s father is never revealed, and Jessica makes it clear that she chose to become pregnant on her own, intentionally. It’s hinted that insemination was involved, but the details remain vague, and the whole situation is portrayed as a choice, not a mystery. She states that she wanted a child on her terms.

This was a significant departure from the typical portrayal of women in superhero comics, where their romantic relationships often define them. Instead, Jessica's choice to become a mother on her terms was a powerful statement of her independence and agency.

What’s interesting about this narrative choice is that it isn’t dramatised as a relationship problem or a scandal, but rather as a statement of independence. The series shows Jessica pregnant in costume, in combat, and as a soon-to-be single mother—something the creators described as both radical and grounded. This portrayal of her pregnancy as a symbol of independence is both empowering and inspiring.

Be that as it may, before the due date came a long stretch of comic panels with Spider-Woman swinging across rooftops, belly and all. It was during one of those episodes that I caught her on camera outside the Royal Cinema in Malmö in 2023. She was in town for the premiere of the animated film *Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse*, where Jessica Drew makes her big screen debut. In the movie, she’s portrayed as a pregnant superhero fighting crime on a motorcycle.

Also in town were both Spider-Man and Superman, and the scene outside the Royal was charged with tension and uncertainty. Spider-Woman looked distinctly guilty, Superman irritated, and Spider-Man climbed the sign above the entrance with an air of ambivalence. Their body language and facial expressions conveyed a great deal about the complex relationships between them. So, who’s the father? The official story is gallery-friendly, politically correct, and tailor-made for the usual American double standards. In a country that elects a sex offender and serial harasser as president, hypocrisy takes centre stage. Not even the surface can deceive anymore—denial is the law of the land. The same goes for Spider-Woman. She’s been with two men, not a test tube. A textbook Ménage à trois poised to erupt into a Crime passionnel—to use another French expression associated with sex.

And clearly, it wouldn’t be ideal to let these superpowers run loose among Malmö’s iconic buildings—the classic Kronprinsen and the towering, twisting phallus of Turning Torso rising into the sky. The potential destruction and chaos that could result from a superpowered conflict in such a densely populated area is a constant concern for superheroes and their allies.

What’s happening?

We met—she and I—backstage at the Royal Cinema in Malmö. The scene was straight out of a 1950s film from Metropolis: a rickety café table, two paper cups of coffee, a half-finished glass of fizzy water, and me playing the part of a weary journalist with a tape recorder. She stood leaning against the doorframe. Her belly proudly pushed forward, her boots gleaming. Her gaze was alert, yet amused.

ME:
Okay, Spiderwoman. Let’s cut to the chase. What happened out there? Superman looked as though he was about to boil over, and Spidey was hovering like a restless cat above the neon sign. What kind of love triangle are we dealing with?

SPIDERWOMAN (smirks):
You mean our *ménage à super-trois*? Please. It looks worse than it is. I went full Alexander the Great and split the stone in one clean stroke. I spun the test tube story—said the baby was a lab product from Stark Industries, genetically optimised, morally sterilised. Superman nodded stiffly, Spidey stared at the pavement and muttered something about quantum physics. Neither of them believed it for a second, but… they wanted to. For their own sake. To save face.

ME:
So you lied?

SPIDERWOMAN:
I kept them airborne. You have to understand, those two are walking PR machines. They can handle intergalactic threats, but not a scratch on their spandex masculinity. A public confirmation that they’d been involved with me—a woman of integrity, humour, and a uterus—would be like kryptonite for their brand. So yes. I lied. For their sake. And mine. I didn’t want a ruined Turning Torso on my conscience.

ME:
And they bought it?

SPIDERWOMAN:
They pretended to. That was sufficient. I ensured that they were kept in separate parts of Malmö—Spidey around Stortorget and the Lion Passage, and Superman in Västra Hamnen. I took the Öresund Bridge for a quick trip to Copenhagen. Physically, I mean. Swung over with my belly and all. You ought to have seen Turning Torso—it twisted a bit more than usual, as if it knew something was amiss.

ME:
Were there ever… real feelings?

SPIDERWOMAN (pause):
Maybe. But what are feelings in a world that insists on casting you as either Madonna or whore? On your knees or your back. I want to be a superhero with cravings. A woman who can swing with dignity, fight for justice, and eat ice cream straight from the tub without apologising.

ME:
And the child?

SPIDERWOMAN (gently pats her belly):
The child will know it was born of strength. Not guilt. Not gossip. Woman power.

ME:
What do you plan to name the baby?

SPIDERWOMAN:
I contemplated Super Jr, but it feels somewhat too much like a press release. I’m inclined towards something neutral yet charged—Nexo, perhaps. Gender-crossing, future-friendly, with a hint of power outlet. Or maybe simply Kiddo. Identity isn’t a gift you’re born with; it’s a right you earn the chance to discover.

ME:
Will you inform the child who the father is?

SPIDERWOMAN:
The child already knows more in the womb than both those blokes put together. It kicks whenever kryptonite is mentioned and purrs inside when we walk past a shadowy corner filled with spiders. I take that as a sign that the child has a sense of humour, which, sadly, neither of those men possesses. Humour isn’t exactly their forte.

ME:
Is there any chance the three of you could try to live as a… well, modern family? Some sort of collective?

SPIDERWOMAN: (her voice filled with determination):
What do you think? Superman can barely handle his emotions without flying off into the stratosphere, and Spidey still lives with his aunt. I’ve got enough on my plate carrying a baby, defending a city, and finding maternity combat gear with room for a belly. I’m its family. That’ll have to do until the writers catch up to the story.

ME:
And Malmö? How does it feel to be here?

SPIDERWOMAN:
Malmö is my sanctuary. Here, I can be pregnant in latex and still be offered a coffee. No one flinches at the truth here—they tilt slightly to the side and say, “jaha ja.” That’s all I need.